Leaving Teaching

In May, I completed what was possibly my final year of teaching in a public school. Doing this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life, and I am completely torn about it.

I did not make this decision because I hate teaching, or because I burned out on teaching. I love being in the classroom. I love the kids. I started my career in Special Education, as an ASL interpreter. I did that for two years, then joined the Navy. I ended up teaching math, and then science. I’m the teacher that keeps the drawings that her students make her and hangs them on her wall. Every time my students asked me to go to an event, I did my best to go. I loved seeing my kids succeed at everything they did. I get such joy out of seeing the kids involved in the learning process and seeing the pride on their faces when they master a difficult concept. Despite the fact that I study mathematics in graduate school, my favorite subject to teach was Integrated Physics and Chemistry. High school freshman are still kids in many ways, and are fascinated with magic tricks. Have you ever heard the “Describe your job badly” joke? I do magic tricks for kids and then give away all my secrets immediately afterwards.

Or I blow crap up and make everyone smell it all day, as put to me by more than one non-science teacher and principal that nearly called the fire department on me. Have you ever smelled an electrocuted pickle or sulfuric acid mixed with sugar? Don’t try these at home, kiddos.

For the last few years, I taught both math and science for Cleveland ISD, and I couldn’t have asked for a better district. They have been the most supportive district I have ever worked for, and I am eternally grateful for all they have done for me. I have always used up all my absences for doctor’s appointments, and even more so in the past two years with dad’s cancer. I never heard a single word of complaint from my principal, assistant principals, or instructional coach. They always had the attitude that family and my health came first. My team jumped in to make sure my students stayed on track, and we made it work. My kids gave the subs a hard time on occasion, but mostly they would ask how my dad was when I got back. All I had to do was come and and tell the office that my dad was going to the ER again, and they immediately jumped into action to make sure I could leave when I needed.

I never hid what was going on from my students. I felt strongly that if the kids felt like I was hiding or lying about something, then I could never build those relationships that are so important to learning. I also felt strongly that the students needed to see that teachers are human and go through struggles also. They can learn from seeing teachers handle tough situations like adults. So while they never knew all the gory details, they knew that I had an immune system disorder that make me sick very easily, and that my dad was fighting stage four cancer. I gleefully came in and told them when dad was cancer free, and they all started cheering. They said dad had “some serious main character energy” (meaning he can’t die, the plot protects him!) and frequently offered their prayers.

The support I had from the admin team didn’t just extend to absences. I taught in one of those seemingly (and sadly) rare environments where I didn’t get jumpy when one of the admin walked in to observe me. I have spoken to so many teachers that felt like admin was “out to get them” or out to find mistakes. I knew perfectly well my admin team had my back, and that they were only there to offer any help and support they could. There were a few times I didn’t even realize they came in. I just looked up to see them walking around and helping the kids. I’ll admit to a minor heart attack when the superintendent himself chose my room to do an unannounced observation, but he was just the same. The nervousness lasted about one minute, and I calmed down. To be fair, any teacher would have had the same reaction.

I tell you all this to make sure you understand clearly that I absolutely did NOT leave Cleveland for lack of support or hating my job. I very much hope they know that. They couldn’t have been better. The next school year hasn’t even started yet, and I already miss them. I was forced to leave a profession and team that I love because my immune system is starting to give out. I’m starting to get sick very easily, and with sickness comes a couple of weeks off of my meds and flares. As much as I love kids, working around 150 kids every day is a disaster for someone with a confused immune system. I was considering it, although I was hoping to last a few more years. Then COVID round four hit. Yep, round four. The vaccine ensured that I only got mild cases of it, but the more you have it, the worse it is on your lungs. Between me and dad, I ended up missing 26 days out of 180 instructional days or so. (Give or take.) That’s a huge chunk of time where I’m not personally ensuring my student’s learning. The only ones losing out are my kids, and I can’t in all good conscience hurt them like that. So after discussions with my team of doctors and my husband, we decided it would be best to move my career online, or at the college level where I’m not in such big crowds of kids. The school is free to hire a teacher that can dedicate far more time to their kids, and giving them the education they deserve.

Change is scary, and I’m still working through the anxieties that come with it. Like most people with anxiety disorders, I don’t take change very well. I feel guilty about hurting our finances and feel like I’m being lazy, although I know that is just the anxiety talking. As usual, I have my husband’s full support. This is a decision that we made together. I was also given the opportunity to go back to finish my Master’s degree in person, so I can do research in Knot Theory like I wanted to do before my health forced me to drop out of the MS program. I’m very much looking forward to that. I’m due to graduate in December, God willing, and then next fall I’m off to a doctoral program. Things are changing and it makes me nervous. But with God’s help and the help of my supportive family and friends, it can become even better.

The worst part about dealing with a chronic illness is not the pain, oddly enough. It’s when it forces you to give up your plans and doing what you love. I did not want to give up my career with Cleveland ISD, and I especially didn’t want to give up on public school teaching. It’s a great challenge, of course. However, with great challenges come great rewards, and I have found this out first hand. I appreciate my four years with the district, and I wouldn’t trade my 12 years in public education for anything. The trick to dealing with the pain of giving up your plans is to force it to lead you to something that is also just as fulfilling. I’m in the middle of this process, and watching my husband get ready for the school year is hard. We have worked at the same campus for the last two years, and it feels weird that he’s going to work without me now. But with any luck, great things are coming. I’m going to have a million anxiety attacks along the way…but it’ll work out in the end.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11